
The Chivalry Chronicles
We discuss topics such as Brotherhood, Masculinity, and Fatherhood. A modern manly approach to chivalry.
Or better yet, Guys Stuff that Guys Do, Cuz We're Guys.
The Chivalry Chronicles
Episode 031 - "Oops, wrong text thread."
Jaime, David, and DLH discuss side text thread, pre-briefing and debriefing of events/get togethers.
- Are they positive, negative, or do they just happen?
- Do you participate in side text threads?
- Do you seek validation or understanding?
- Can they be toxic?
Issue a verdict.
If by some chance, some stroke of luck, or some act of God, you have stumbled upon this broadcast, you are listening to The Chivalry Chronicles with your host, Dr. DLH.
SPEAKER_01:I'm a damn doctor!
SPEAKER_00:David. We're going to bring the tea. I refuse to not drink during the podcast. Yeah. And me, Jaime. They need to make podcast equipment a lot more expensive to get some of these clowns off the air. Gather around as we discuss a modern manly approach to chivalry. So I hope you're ready because I know we are. So let's get into it. Nice. There you go. There you go. You don't have a beer, foe. I'm actively drinking, damn it. What? Hold on, man. Let me get this going real quick. I got this side text right over here. I'm talking about y'all while I'm sitting there doing this podcast with y'all. I'd be responding right now, but they're recording me. They're going to get me on camera. We need to be focusing on the show, and y'all are terrible. We're having a side text. So let's discuss that, right? So we were talking about this, and on the last episode, it's going to be two different things, right? Side text threads, and then... Pre-briefing and debriefing after you meet, you have a dinner party or you go for Thanksgiving over to family or friends or whatever. So let's discuss the side conversations, right? So we all have text threads, right? We have a communal text thread and the conversation starts and then inevitably a side text thread. Like, can you believe he said that? Like, and then you text someone else within the text thread about the conversation that's happening in the overall text thread. And the issues with that, right? Sometimes it's, you know, you kind of mess up and you send it to the wrong text thread. They're like, and for the most part, we're oblivious to it. Like, we think they're not going to talk about us. They're not going to talk about me. Then they, yes, everyone is. If you're in a text thread and you're involved in a conversation, somebody's going to have a side text thread and it's going to be about you. I mean, I'm sorry to tell you that. Just like if you attend a dinner party and you act a fool, it's going to be a conversation when whoever's house it is, they're cleaning up. Man, you see Jaime over there just drinking all night, just not even helping and That dude didn't even take up his plate. It's going to happen. We think it doesn't, but it does. Or that homeboy took more than a plate.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:That motherfucker took all the leftovers. Look at Jaime. I offered him the last cupcake, and that motherfucker took it. How dare he? He saw I didn't eat a damn cupcake the whole night. I told him I was looking forward to a cupcake. I kept telling him, and he still took it. And it happens like that. I know. And it's not that you want to be an ass about it, but part of it is, like, I know when our kids are a little bit older now, right? But when they were younger, when they were in the 8 to 12 range, right? Before we went to people's houses... Just like we got to talk, right? My mom would be like, hey, we're going over to your aunt's house. Don't be asking for shit. You know what I'm saying? If you get offered food, eat your little whatever they give you, and that's it. Don't go over there acting like you're starving. You're making us look bad. We would get that talk. So inevitably, we would have that talk with our kids. Like, hey, we're going over to your uncle's house. Don't act a fool. Because I will... We will go to the restroom and you're going to get an ass whooping. You're going to get called out. I don't care where we are. Don't ask for anything. Don't be rude. Say hi to everyone. Make sure you go around and shake everyone's hand. Those are the rules, right? And then when you leave, you would have the same conversation. It was like, what did we say? That's when your kid says, Aunt Sally... Can you keep me out of the restroom today? Let these, let my wife, her, has a, her uncle had a story that they go. So his, his grandson was visiting there from Arizona. They're visiting and it was him and his wife and the grandson was staying over for the summer and they were going to a friend's house. And then the, the uncle tells the grandson, or the grandfather tells the grandson, like, look, okay, we're going to go over there. When I do this, and he does his finger up in the circle, when I do this, that means it's time to go. So just so you know. And so they go to the party, they're there, and then the grandfather gets up and does the finger in the air with the circle, does the circle in the air, which means it's time to go. And the grandson looks at him, And shakes his head. Like, no. And then they're driving home. And he's like, did you not get it? Like, I said, whenever I do this, it means it's time to go. He's like, well, grandpa, when I do this and shakes his head, no, that means I'm not ready. And I was like, what the hell? You can't
SPEAKER_01:change the rules in the middle
SPEAKER_00:of it. So, David, tell me. Do side text threads exist? Do you participate in them? And why do you participate in them? Yes and yes, quite simply. Yes and yes. And I think they serve multiple purposes. I think the one that comes to mind more for me is a validation that my thoughts exist. I'm not going crazy. Yeah, I'm not the one thinking out of bounds, am I? Right. And so I seek that validation to make sure, am I on the wavelength with the group or am what I'm thinking is off? Was I out
SPEAKER_01:of line?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So I think more than anything, that's why I have those. Okay. But they're never positive. It could be positive. No, it might be positive that it takes place, but you're never talking positive things. No, because he's right. Because you can say, man, was I out of line? Did I not, like... Yes, but... That's positive. That's you going, am I the problem? He's getting something out of that, which is the affirmation that he's seeking. But I think that... No, because if somebody says, bro, you were out of line, then you're like, ah, shit. Right, but that would still be more of a negative connotation. No, it's not negative. What I'm saying is you're never going to have a side conversation that says, isn't this dude killing it right now? No, I disagree. I disagree with that. There's been specific times that I'm like, hey, I'm really glad so-and-so is stepping up, or I'm really glad so-and-so has done this. Like, let's make sure... this happens or let's, let's make sure. And it was excitement, but not necessarily awarding the flowers quite yet. So once again, it was validation to, Hey, I'm thinking this, this particular person has done very well. And I think we need to recognize that. Yes. Are you on that same wavelength once again? Absolutely. So yeah, I don't, I don't think it always is a negative thing. I think in a, in a, in a more silly matter and probably the bulk of it, It probably leans more towards like, what the fuck is going on here? You know, I think that's probably more so what happens. That said, I still, or I firmly believe that there is, and I know I've participated in, hey, this person is doing a damn good job. This person deserves accolades. This person has something that we need to recognize, right? Yeah. All right. I can see that. I think I can see that happening. I think that mostly in my experience, whenever there's something positive, the positive things are said within the main thread and then all the negative things are taken out to the side. I think that's generally going to be more common. And I think it happens when the text thread is like five or more, right? When it's three people... I think it's less likely that it'll happen. Yeah, it has to be more than like five. Yeah, let's get it going. Do you ever wonder when you're in a conversation or texturing or whatever, whether you're the subject of any side text? You never feel that way, but definitely you are. You never feel that way? You never feel like you're part of the side? No, absolutely. In the midst of it happening, no. I never feel like I'm a side conversation, but I know for a fact it's happening. I just don't feel it. I just don't. Do you ever think you are? I know it's bound to happen. Yeah, but do you feel it? No, no. No, you don't, right? And that's what the cool thing about text threads is they have no idea. You're going, man, F this dude. No, I think I pretty much feel that way. You do? Yeah. I guess I'm oblivious because I know in the midst of texting and when it's a big text thread, you're just like, man, no, that's wrong. Let me do blah, blah, blah. I never go, man, they're talking about me over here. I never think that. I'm like. Yeah, you know, and I think I would say that probably most of the time, I think it's you two that are doing it. What the hell? I think especially if we wind up saying something. Only in the positive light. Yeah, only in the positive. Yeah, right. That's that minority. When we're in the text thread and if I, like if we're disagreeing about something. Yeah. It's like, in my mind, almost automatically, you two are going off about it. Really? Yeah. No, I specifically said when it's three, it's less likely. I think it's less likely. Not in our text thread that we have for chivalry, but when we're in the alumni association. And you know, speaking of that, I know that I've... message you specifically in a positive way. Like, hey, I think this person is getting there. Can you help? How do we support that? Absolutely. Those things happen. I think it's healthy from a general sense. I think it's more healthy than it is toxic. It can be toxic. It can definitely be toxic. I guess I have to agree with you that Sometimes you can't go that hard in that text thread. So you pick someone that you're like, let me talk to this guy because maybe I'm tripping. Yeah. And then you go all the way hard. Right. And then usually the other person is like, oh, man. Yeah. He's got a point. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You were in the wrong or. maybe you need to lighten up a little bit. And then, and then because you trust that, and usually somebody you trust, you're not going to, you know, side text someone else. Like it's somebody you trust. That's going to, it's, that's going to be honest with you. Like, man, am I tripping? Because I feel this way. Let's say, okay. Well, when we talk about the way that you view certain people in the roles that they have, right. And I don't know this to be true. This is more of a question, but yeah, If you know that your perception of what's being said in this text thread or conversation or whatever is like this bullshit. Right. And I'm not going to say it out loud because we're in mixed company or whatever it is. Right. But when you go to the side, do you actually look to message someone who's going to be unbiased and fair? Or do you want someone who you know is going to be in that same frame of mind? It's going to say, yeah, man, that's some bullshit so that y'all can say this together. I think it's a combination of both. But I would also say that generally, as with all things, whenever you're looking for news and you sit on one side of the spectrum... or that view, you look for news that kind of agrees with your theory. Well, I disagree, man. No, I'm not saying it happens 100% at all. Yeah, none of these are 100%. But I would say that probably for most, they're seeking validation of their own thoughts and their own viewpoints, right? Okay, but so when I get text threads, right, when I get the side text thread, yeah. Yeah. you want you you kind of you give them a little grace because the side text rate happens after a blow up right it's like oh shit i'm getting i'm getting the other side of it and usually yeah you want to be like it's gonna be cool right is is but but if you're gonna say something that i'm like oh man i don't agree with that i think i'm more apt to say yeah bro you're in the wrong like I agree with so-and-so. And I expect David to say that. Contrary to popular belief, David and I agree on very little when it comes to how things should be done. The good thing about David and I is that I can go, this is what I think. And he's like, ah, man. And David always says that. He always has a comment about whatever it is. And sometimes I go, shit, let me go back to the drawing board. I think, though, that it's going to be someone who you feel, even if you think that that's a possibility, you're going to have a side conversation with someone who's either going to be all in on board with you and you're going to. either laugh or affirm each other's point of view, like this is some bullshit. Or if that person comes back at you and says like, no, I don't agree. I think that that's not the way to look at it or whatever, that it's going to deflate you a little bit, but then you're going to be like, yeah, you're right. You're right. You're probably right. And it's easier to admit to that person than to admit it to that person. Exactly. Exactly. But you're always, I think that when you have that side conversation, you're going to look And it's nuanced a bit, right? Because you're looking for affirmation. And if you don't get it, then you're going to respect the point of view of the person. Absolutely. Yeah. Now, DLH, for your sidebar conversations, who are you generally pursuing? The validation or the expert? If I'm the one who's having the side conversation? Not if. I'm talking about the ones that you've had. Just generalize it, right? I'm asking where... What are you looking for? Which one do you tend to fall on? You mean you're talking about either the validation or what was the other option? The expert. Yeah, the honesty. I think that whenever you're having this thought process, I actually think it kind of goes in that direction. in that order right like like exactly what i said you're looking for validation because you're clearly having a thought that is powerful enough in the moment that you feel the need for a side conversation yeah and you want somebody that's going to be i think a realistic and respectful barometer of what you're feeling right so then you message this person on the side and And then wait for that reaction to either validate or even if they don't validate or they may give you partial validation, too. I see what you're saying. However, here's what I'm trying to view it as. And they'll bring you back down. Right. But either way, it has to be somebody that you respect in that role. Otherwise, you may then go to another side conversation to seek validation or maybe even talk about that. So once again, is that a is that you? I guess so. I mean, if you were to generalize, I'm asking like you specifically, if you think of your sidebar conversations and it doesn't have to be accurate, we don't need no percentages or anything like that. We need phone numbers and we need names. I'm going to say that validation has to be the first step. Because because whenever I do have a side conversation and it's been both ways, both both positive, something that's happening positively or something that's happening negatively. Right. Like and just any time you're having the conversation, if something is like somebody is like way off base. there are some times where it just needs to be said in the thread. Like, no, no, no, I think that's way off base or whatever. But then you still might have the conversation that says, like, do you feel the same? Because I just said this out loud to everybody. But am I wrong? See, I agree that that happens. And as we're talking this out, I think validation is one of them. But I want to say that I gravitate more towards validation. the trust in somebody being honest with me about that validation. Absolutely. Cause it's one thing to find, you know, somebody that, you know, you can, will easily agree with you. Right. Absolutely. But I don't, I don't, I don't necessarily go that route. I look for the person that says, no, David, you, you effed up. That's a you problem. Yeah. You need that sound. He's saying this, or she said this. So you need to, you need to, You need to recognize that. I agree. I think we might be saying the same thing in a different way. Yeah, probably. then it's going to give you something else to think about and bring you back but you know the people that are going to agree with you i mean in any conversation like i know who's going to agree with me because of of a perceived status or or you're just there's some people that just agree with everything so i'm not going to have those are the but i'm not going to have a side conversation exactly but that's what you're saying no no no i would not do that with somebody who's going to be a yes man Not going to do that. Exactly. But you're saying you want validation. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a sounding board. I need to know whether I'm fucked up. Yes, but that's seeking. That's not validation. Maybe we're just defining it differently. I don't need somebody to. You're defining it differently. Yeah, I could be. I think it leans more towards that. Sounding board. That trusted sounding board. Because if I ever have a side conversation with David, which is rare. I never have a sidebar. Then I know David is going to be like, eh, bro, you fucked up. All right. Well, I think maybe if we clarified that a bit, because I do think that the nature of having a sidebar is for validation, not simply to acquiesce. I don't need you to just give in to my opinion just because you're giving in. But I'm having a sidebar because I need... to know is what I'm thinking here off base? Yes. Or is this right? In my point of view, you're seeking validation in that, by doing that. But if they come at you and say, nope, I don't think that you're correct. No, no, no. I don't think you're seeking validation. You're seeking understanding. Validation is like, I want you to agree with it. Understanding it goes, this is my thought. Explain it to me because I'm not getting it. It's seeking understanding, not validation. Well, see, because if we exchange the word valid in here, now we're just all in the minutia, right? I know. But validation to me is like, I want you to agree with me. Not necessarily because you could say, if you form it in a question, right? This is my thought. Is that valid? And if they say, no, that's not valid, right? You're seeking validation by asking the question. No, you're not seeking validation. You're seeking understanding. That's the same thing. I don't think so. In this particular moment. No, no, because you're saying... To me, when you say you're seeking validation is I want you to agree with me. No, no, but if they do agree with you, now you're validated. If they don't agree with you, now you have a reason as to why your thought is not valid. It's understanding. You're wrong. Okay, we need everybody else to chime in in the comments and tell us the difference between validation and understanding. i mean did you get my yes you get my text i did i did i get your sidebar um but yeah i i think i think it happens and and it sucks and we're probably each one of us is probably the subject of it i'm probably the subject of it on on most of our um alumni stuff i had one brother tell me like kaima you're you're a dictator I was like, no, I'm not. But anyway, I wanted to bring it to light because when I was thinking about it, you know, like I said earlier, I never think I'm the subject of it, but I'm pretty sure everyone is a subject at one point. You know, like I know back to whenever, you know, David and I got into it at one of the legacy weekends, you know, I went to Dan, which, you know, I love Dan, right? Dan is... Sweet says right before he insults him. No, no. You're not going to get... You have to pull the information from Dan. You have to pull it. You have to ask the right questions because Dan is going to be like, ah, you're good. He told me that and I was like, hi, man. I mean, you're you. I was like, well, that's not a good answer. I was like, no, no, no. Was I wrong? And he goes... And at the end, he's like, and it took, it took a while. And he's like, yeah, you might've been, you know, a little over, over the top. And I was like, shit. I'm right. Thank you, Dan. Yeah. It was, it was soft. It was like, yeah. And because Dan is not the, he's not going to come right out and tell you like you screwed up. Right. And you, you have to pull it from him. And, and, and, and after that happened, you know, of course, David and I talked about it afterwards. And even that night, And we were good. The next day, you know, we were actually, in all honesty, it took a little bit, you know, and I called him one day. It was like a month later, two months later. Hey, we're good, dog. Like, it's a little awkward sometimes. And I was like, we're good. Like, don't worry about it. Like, we're over it. And he's like, all right. And then we started being back to where we were, right? But these sidebar conversations, I think they're good because there's certain things you want to say in the text thread, right? that you're holding yourself back. And then if I say, hey, this is bullshit, blah, blah, what about this? And if that other person says, well, say that shit, then maybe it's not. Maybe it's not over the top. Maybe I need to say that. But if he says... Oh, bro. Like, you're wrong. Like, yeah, I don't know about that. To me, it's like you're on the playground and you keep getting bullied by this one guy. He's just terrorizing all the other 10 kids, right? Okay. His name's Jaime. And you're within that group because you have to be around, let's say, the bully, right? Two kids can trigger that rise up and let's get this guy. Take down the bully? Yeah, let's take down the bully. But... You're like, lie on the ground and don't do anything. They want to make sure whenever they get together, like, hey, can we do this? Like, I'm willing to pull my weight, but are you going to have my back or do we just need to comply with this guy? And then they rise up. Yeah. Yeah. Hell no. We won't go. All right. So let's switch over to... Whenever you're inevitably, it's going to happen, right? When you go to someone's house, when you go to even family, it's going to happen. If you go to visit someone's house, Christmas, Thanksgiving, it's always right. When you leave, that family is going to sit around. And if you did something that's, they're going to talk about it. And I didn't think about it like that until later. I was like, there's always a debriefing. There's always debriefing. That's why Jaime always has his gatherings here at his house. I think it always happens. But wouldn't there have to be some event, something worth discussing? Even if it's good. Even if it's good. But I mean, like, not just the normal. It could have gone great. It could have gone great. Oh, he's such a nice person. Yeah. Like, man, I really like that person. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Good or bad. There's always a debriefing. Well, you always got to be negative, bro. No, no, no. You have a very negative outlook on life, sir. I'm very surprised. Hey, listen. Check your text. Y'all need to stop projecting on me. You're the one that's like, ah. No, no, no. I'm trying to gain understanding here. No, you're negative. You know, because are you talking now specifically, you know, like there can be some general things like. Always happens. If an event takes place, you went to somebody's house, whatever, whatever. Whatever the context was. But it's like, hey, how did you feel about last night? Oh, last night was fun. Yes. Right. And then it can either leave it at that or you might discuss what particularly was. No, no, no. But it's always what I'm saying is like there's always a debriefing after after a get together. Always. You're driving home with your wife and it could be it could see. You think of it negatively. I'm thinking it just happens. No, but that's why I'm wondering is that if you're talking about it because you live with the person or people that you attended this function with, right, is that considered a sidebar? Or would it have to be that multiple different people were all there and then you have a side conversation with somebody who doesn't live in the same house as you and you say, did you see the shit that happened yesterday? That could happen too. And I think multiple sidebars are happening. I think if you go to someone's house, family or whatever, and then you leave, you have a sidebar conversation on the way home. They have a sidebar conversation while they're there. The people that live in the house, I guarantee you it's happening. And I didn't think about that until a couple of years ago. You know, then I was thinking, I was like, we're having a sidebar conversation. They gotta be having one. It's just, there's no way it doesn't because when something happens, right? When we've had, you know, get togethers here and it could be good or bad. Like I've genuinely, you know, been like, man, that's a good dude. Like I kind of, I was wrong about him. You know what I'm saying? Or I was wrong about her. Like I didn't really, I didn't know what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised. You know, this person is really nice or whatever. But you always have it. I think that's just human nature. Yeah, I guess that could be, but... There's the Joneses, where you're trying to keep up, and then there's the Judys. The Judge Judys. Oh, Judge Judys. What the fuck? Let's end this right now, dog. This is so bad. You've had too many Miller Lights. I feel like you want to disagree. No. Because I said one thing and you always disagree with me. It's not about disagreeing. I think that you and I, whenever we disagree, it's always in the fray. It's never in the base. Okay. Explain that. So I do agree that there's like you're, especially if you are talking about like your wife or whatever, you're going to talk about your shared experiences. But if we consider that that's a given. that you're going to talk about your shared experiences because you attended the same event together. If that's a given, then what are the sidebars that are the extra, the ones that are not required, but that you do it either because you're seeking validation or understanding? Well, I was telling David the other day, I called David. So I was talking to my wife, right? And she's like, I said, hey, I was talking to David. We were talking about some bullshit. And she's like, oh, how's David? I was like, yeah, he's doing all right. So is he still dating so-and-so? And I was like, I don't know. And she's like, what do you mean? I was like, I don't talk about that. I was like, he didn't bring it up. And so I don't know. Like, I have no idea. If it was worth discussing, he would have brought it up. She's like, but we went out to dinner that one night and she seemed really nice. I was like, yes, I agree, but. After that, she wasn't part of the conversation. Like, if David wanted to bring her up, he would have brought her up. And I'm not going to pry, you know what I'm saying? And so she's like, I can't talk to you. And so that following time I talked to David, I was like, hey, how's so-and-so doing? And he's like... Yeah, I'm not seeing it. I was like, my bad. That's why we don't discuss this shit. Listen, I really didn't want to know. Yeah, I didn't. I was forced into this. My wife sent me with a list of questions. And she does that all the time. Thank God we only got to question one. She'll ask me about that, like my family, right? Or my little brother is like, oh, so what about so-and-so? I was like, I don't know. We talk about dumb shit. I don't know. We talk about money. Marvel movies. 3D printing chicken. 3D printing chicken Hulk arms and shit. I mean, I get like, you know, whenever we attend any kind of function. Yeah. Did you have fun? What was cool? Yeah. If something, you know, like messed up happened, you talk about that stuff. You're like, hey, I saw you get into it with so-and-so. Yeah, it could be. You know, I think the last time that we were everywhere here at at your house, right? I'll bring this up, was for Joaquin's graduation. Correct. Right. And we come over here and- What did you and Victoria talk about on the way home? Well, see, now here's the thing is we debrief that sort of stuff, but I have an ulterior motive that she's not, of course, aware of, right? Because it's my motive. I want for recognizing my age and that this is the most brotherhood I have ever experienced, right? Okay. is with all of you guys in the Alumni Association. And as we continue on, I want more of that. So when I am going through this, it's not like I'm cool. I keep on finding myself like, did you have fun? Because I want to make a case for for her to continue... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. Either doing this or not being opposed to me doing this. So DLH is like, so don't piss my wife off. I plead you. So I keep on doing all of this stuff. That was cool, right? Yeah, that was great. Kids had love Legacy Weekend. So even if something bad was happening, it would have had to have been pretty big for me to notice because I'm just trying to make the positive case for not... you know, uh, having her look on negatively, like you spent too much time doing that or like, you know, no, absolutely. Um, anyway, so that's my, that's my ulterior motive. That's how I go about that. So, but you do agree there's debriefings. I think that it's just like you said, I think it's inherent when you are like, uh, husband and wife, you live in the same household. If you attended this event, you're going to do that. That's going to, absolutely. Because you need to know if you like the same things or why you didn't like the same things or whatever. I used to say that my kids hated when other kids acted up, right? Because if another kid was acting up, I would look at my kids, I'd be like, don't fucking do that. It's your ass if you do some shit like that. And so they were always, not that my kids were perfect, they were not, but I always, we always had that talk with them before we went anywhere. Don't do this, this, this, and this. Don't act a fool. Don't interrupt us when we're talking. If you need something, wait for the proper moment to ask me. Don't just come, you know, that type of stuff that happens inevitably with other stuff. And then when we leave, we would have the same discussion. Like, Joaquin, bro, I told you. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're trying me, son. Where's my belt? Yeah. And, you know, like, that's his family, of course. They love the kids, right? And of course they try to do stuff that they're not supposed to do, but you kind of let it go, right? Like the kids didn't used to drink any soft drinks. Like it was water or like juice when they were little, like eight, nine. And then we go to let these families like, Joaquin, there's Big Red in that cooler over there. And Joaquin would be like, you know, looking at me. And I was like, I'm cool with that. Right. It's Easter or whatever. Yeah. It's Easter. And it's the only time in the next six months. Yeah. And the alley. Yeah. Sipping on that big red. Absolutely. Smoking weed. So, I mean, stuff like that. I mean, you have that conversation later. Like, OK, you had enough. You know what I'm saying? Like, one's too many. It's nine o'clock. When was the last time that you feel like you had a sidebar about an event? I guess it could it could go from a live event to a text. Right. But that it's that it wasn't you talking to let the other kids that you had to contact someone else who was at the event and, you know, either seek validation or understanding or whatever. I'll tell the story. David knows this story. So I apologize for anyone that don't get offended. So. I think I told this story before on the podcast, right? I love my family, right? I love my sister. I love my brothers. I love my parents. And then, so it was my dad's birthday in early January. And they get together for dinner. Because he already knows. Yeah, no, because I called him. And so they get together for dinner for my dad's birthday. And... They show pictures on Facebook because they're in Dallas, right? They're not here. I'm in San Antonio. They're in Dallas. It's a four hour drive. And it's a victimless crime, right? Like my sister didn't invite me and she shouldn't. Like I'm four hours away. It was an impromptu get together for my dad's birthday. But that didn't change the fact that I was like, I kind of wanted to be there. You know what I'm saying? Like I felt left out. And so- I couldn't just blast off at my sister, like, why didn't you invite me? Because it's not her fault, right? And I can't be mad at anyone, right? So I called David. I was like, hey, bro. And it was Saturday night at like 10. I had gone to the post office to mail some shit off for the fraternity. And I called David. I was like, bro, look, I'm a little pissed off. I'm a little hurt here. And I'm going to tell you what happened. And there's really nothing. anyone can do. I just feel left out because I'm here in San Antonio and I never get to enjoy Thanksgiving or Christmas get togethers or unless I make it a point to get up there, right? My mom's birthday, my dad's birthday, you know, my sister's birthday, my other brother's birthday, you know, I'm just not included because it's like, man, it's four hours away. So anyway, that type of stuff, I think, you know, there was a sidebar conversation, but it was, just for me to vent to someone that had nothing to do with anything. And just for me to go, I just needed to, cause I didn't want to, you know, come here and, and like burden Letty with it. Like Letty didn't need to hear all that shit that I'm, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's stupid. It really is stupid. And so I kind of, um, I kind of like did a, did a, um, what do you call it? Whenever you're not overt, you're like, um, Your passive or passive aggressive. Yeah. I do it with my sister. She's like, Oh my God. She's like, I can't believe I was like, I know I'm kidding. I was like, it's just, but this is what happened. She's like, I didn't call you. And I was like, I know I'm just messing with you. I'm trying to get it out of my system. And so then fucking David later on that week, he's like, I got invited. I don't know what you mean. Hey, I had to do what's right. I was like, you son of a bitch. So that's what I needed. I needed just a, like, that's fucked up. I get it. Yeah. But you'd be a little bitch right now. So, you know, and in essence, I kind of want to date you. Yeah. But then I'm also going to bring you back down. Let me let me stamp your parking, your parking. Well, you know, I get I get some things. I mean, my family, there's there's a whole lot there. But I get that, too. And like when my my sister who lives in Houston, it's not like my family goes to visit her. They won't. Right. Right. But when she comes down here, sometimes I won't find out that she's come down and visited whatever until she's already gone. And then even worse, my uncle who still lives up in Portland, and he'll come down, and I won't find out he was here until after he's gone. And I'm like, what the hell? They came to San Antonio. I live in San Antonio. So that sort of stuff happens, but yeah. Well, but that's, so I get, I get the other, the other side of it too. When I'm pretty sure the side conversations are all the time. When I go to Dallas, right? I go to Dallas and I go to two places. I go to my mom's house and I go to my sister's house and I've had some family to go. Why don't you come visit me? And it's like, I'm at these two places. I drove four hours. You can drive 20 minutes if you wanted to come see me. I've done the legwork, right? I've done the four hours. Drive the 20 minutes to my mom's house while I'm here. But DLH says he doesn't even realize you're 20 minutes away. All of that is predicated on somebody letting everyone else know. Absolutely. Right? So if they let you know, and if I was told... And I didn't go and I didn't see you because I didn't go. That's on me, not on you. Well, in a sidebar conversation, I do know that you have the tendency to delete messages and not read or listen. Not read anything. That's true. How's that a sidebar thing? So, for example, there was a gate code that was disclosed about a month ago. Why am I going to go back a month when I can just ask right now? Yeah, see? Put it under my contacts. You just deleted it. Otherwise, you'd be there. Look, at least I have the address. On time, too. Oh, you shit your ass. David, I'm going to text you right now. No, I get what you're saying. So what's going to be our... I actually wrote a... A text? A purposeful... Get out of here. Board approved. Okay, let's hear it. It better be good. I propose that sidebar conversations can be healthy ways to seek validation or helpful perspective into full group conversations or context. That's a whole bunch of gibberish. It is to say the point. Did you use chat GPT? No, no. This is David. D-R-R. That sounds like chat GBT. So tell me in your own words. We're going to have a sidebar right now. Motherfucker, sidebar conversations can be healthy ways to seek validation or helpful perspective whenever you're in a big group setting. I don't like that one. No, I agree. I agree. It can be a healthy way because even if it is in the negative part, you're either going to seek Get validation for your feelings. Yeah, I don't want a board approved. You shouldn't have those because I think we've discussed that ultimately it's helpful in a general sense. Unless you use it as a villain. My board approved, it would be... Lame. Would be... Side conversations happen. Chat GPT just told me that too. No. They happen. Get used to it. Deal with it. Deal with it. Everyone is talking about you. Yeah, but I think that the negative side of that is if you– because if you are in a group texturing and you know that there are going to be sidebars, but they are negative because people don't use them in a constructive way, then it starts to breed more– I don't know, malcontent, right? And then you start wondering. It can breed some paranoia. And then it'll hold you back from what you would normally say. I guess so, but I've never thought people would. If you were not part of the sidebar conversation. You were probably the sidebar. No, you're definitely. You're definitely. Yeah, that's the thing. So it can become a negative thing if you don't use it that way. Absolutely. Which is why I think if it remains positive and constructive. Correct. But sometimes it's good to be negative, right? No, no. I'm not saying that. Because you can get something positive out of going to the side and saying, I'm not the only one who recognized that was bullshit, right?
UNKNOWN:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Absolutely. There's a negative connotation to that, but you're trying to use it in a way to keep you gauged and engaged in a way that's not going to make you say to the general group, like, that was bullshit. Y'all see that, right? Because that starts to tear the team apart. True. Okay. Absolutely true. So we got two votes at least. It really pains me to say, but I agree with Dave. So read it or say it without reading it. Say it with your chest. Sidebar conversations. Motherfucker, sidebar conversations can be helpful ways. That doesn't make sense. Oh, son of a gun. Okay, just read it, but with a little more. But like you're not reading it. Well, I wrote
SPEAKER_01:the damn thing.
SPEAKER_00:David AI. No. I got it here on notes. Copy paste. So that it's straight up. It's motherfucker. Sidebar conversations can be healthy ways to seek validation or helpful perspective. There's grammar issues with that. Conversations or content. Where's the grammar issue? Let's point out. Well, he says. Motherfucker? No, he said. That's supposed to be spelled. Sidebar conversations. Can be helpful. Can be helpful. And then read the rest of it. To seek validation or helpful perspectives into full group conversations. That's too many helpfuls. You're right there. No, no. The first one was helpful. No, there's only one helpful conversation. The other word was healthy. That's the closest thing. Sidebar conversations can be healthy ways to seek validation. Can be healthy ways. That doesn't sound right. Why? He's just trying to take my freaking board of proof. We already got the two votes. That's all it takes. There's an unhealthy and a healthy. Can be healthy ways. It's a healthy way. Okay. All right. It's a healthy validation pathway. Check your text. I can't believe it. Where it says relay this to Jaime and it has a picture of him sticking the finger. I do have a side text. DLH, can you tell David? All right. Border proof.
UNKNOWN:Border proof.
SPEAKER_01:what
SPEAKER_00:the hell thank you for listening if you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast please share it with others post about it on your social media and or leave a rating and review to catch all the latest from us you can follow us on Instagram and X so thanks again and we'll see you next time