Episode 028 - "Can your significant other be your best friend?"

DLH, David, and Jaime discuss whether your significant other can be your best friend.

• [Aside] In Texas, alimony is referred to as spousal maintenance and is not automatically granted. It is awarded under specific circumstances, primarily when a marriage has lasted at least 10 years, and the spouse seeking support cannot meet their basic needs. The court considers various factors, including the length of the marriage, the financial situations of both spouses, and whether there was any family violence.
• David mentions that friendship is totally different with a spouse.
• Obligation vs duty.
• Hierarchy of friendships.

Issue a verdict.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

If by some chance, some stroke of luck, or some act of God, you have stumbled upon this broadcast, you are listening to The Chivalry Chronicles with your host, Dr. DLH. I'm a damn doctor! David, we're gonna bring the tea. I refuse. To not drink during the podcast. Yeah. And me, Jaime. They need to make podcast equipment a lot more expensive to get some of these clowns off the air. Gather around as we discuss a modern manly approach to chivalry. So I hope you're ready because I know we are. So let's get into it. Boy, that was a good one right there. I'm out of ice. You can't hear my bourbon. Oh, my God. We've been sitting here for about 30 minutes trying to figure this out. 30 minutes? It's been more like 45 to an hour. I got here at 12.15, Jaime. It's 1.30. No, you were later than that. No, it was 12.15. It was 12.15. Yeah, either way, the point is we've been talking for a long time on how to entertain you people. It just means we don't know what we're doing. Yeah, that's why. We have a bunch of great equipment, though. We do. David just bought more equipment. I mean, he came in hungover. Tell us why you were hungover, David. Well, I decided to go across the street to my neighbor's house and play some pool, and that led till 4 p.m. 30 in the morning. Yeah, that's a common thing that happens all the time. It happens all the time if you're single. If you're married, you get that call about 2 a.m. Where the fuck are you? Get your ass home. It's more like 11. Are you coming home or not? What's going on? Are you okay? Making sure you're not in the street dead somewhere. Yeah, we have the... Our phones have the... find my whatever. And so we got, we tracked like the kids and my wife and all that. So the kids do that to us, right? Like, what are y'all doing downtown? Why are y'all up in my business? Yeah, like go somewhere, little girl. Hey, that's when you strap that GPS or that little tracker on the dog. But it's on the phone. Yeah, just change the SIM card out. True. Or don't friggin' You know, share your location. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, you can stop sharing your location. Maybe that's what we should talk about right there. Stop sharing your location. How to stop sharing your location. I want you to stop sharing your location with your wife right now. I'm just going to get it. Well, you know, and then that would bring up an interesting question. Why did you stop sharing your location? Why? How do you know I did that? Why are you tracking me? Right? It's 4.30 in the afternoon. Yeah. We're wondering why. I want to see you do it. Do it on the podcast right now. Let's see how long it takes. Yeah, because here's why. Our topic today is going to be, is your significant other your best friend? Oh, that's what we're doing. That's what we're doing. I just made the decision right now because we're talking about this. But let's call back the Guadalupe Peak travel, right? I mean, the hike. So, MT's wife, was calling him. How are y'all doing? Whatever. Your wife, I think called my wife. Have you heard from the guys? And my wife was like, I think they're fine. I mean, what? But then afterwards she said, should I be worried? Yeah. Cause I mean, she's like, uh, you never called me anyway. There's no, there's no cell service. We can't, you know what I'm saying? I think that's why, because I got cell service at the top. And I called her. Yeah. And then we hear that chopper come in. It's like, and she's like, David, why haven't you called me? Because I called her from the top. When I got back down to the bottom, it took longer than she thought it should have taken. I know. Like, that's a good opinion to have while you're laying down. Yeah. I know MT's wife was like, y'all are just leaving? Y'all should have been out there at 8 a.m. I was like, damn, you're right. We suck. I blamed Dan largely. Why? Because he was the one that was all the way in the back. It wasn't because it was Dan. It's because Dan was in the back. So if Dan had been up front and one of y'all were in the back, I would have blamed whoever was the furthest back. Well... I'll have you know, nobody called me. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Nobody called looking for me. That's because nobody noticed. Nobody noticed you weren't where you're supposed to be. This is something that I brought up, I don't know, last year or something like that. Here's why I brought it up, because it really irks me when guys, you know, if a significant other says it, the female, right, whatever, like, good, cool, you're good. But when a guy says it, I'm like, stop lying, dog. Says what? Says, my wife is my best friend. Do they say it like that? Yeah, they're like, she is my best friend. And I'm like, you lying side guy shit. Oh, man. Y'all be prepared to comment wherever you see this posted. Send comments. But since we have David here, David was married previously. I want to know when you were married and how long were you married? Uh, almost 10 years that's pretty good yeah that's pretty good 10 years i mean it's right before you have to pay alimony no it's 10 years no it's 10 years i think it's if you're married 10 years state of texas i don't think has i only know that because i was out with a friend of mine uh we were smoking cigars and shit like that right we used to go and then he he invited one of his friends and his His boy shows up. He's like, man, y'all ready to party? I was like, nah, man, we're just sitting there hanging out. He's like, ah, shit, y'all married, huh? I was like, yeah. He goes, how long you been married, huh? I was like, at the time, I was probably like 15. And he goes, ah, shit, you can't go out. It's after 10. I divorced at nine years. Because after 10, I think you have to pay. There is no have to pay. Alimony is mostly dependent on where the source of income comes from. If it's shared... What if you have the... Yeah, but in the state of Texas, I don't remember how it is, but specifically, alimony is not as prevalent here in the state of Texas as it is elsewhere. That's because everybody here doesn't... I don't think that they have... Well, I would have benefited if I would have made that 10 years. You know what I mean? Because if you're the sole source of income and the spouse, whether it be... Man or woman is the one who's dependent on that income. All right. In Texas, a marriage lasting 10 years or more significantly influences several aspects of a divorce, particularly when it comes to spousal maintenance, alimony, and property division. The 10-year rule in Texas allows for spousal maintenance awards if the marriage lasted 10 years or more, and the requesting spouse cannot provide for their basic needs due to disability, child care responsibilities, or lack of earning capacity. That's what we're talking about. It depends on who the source of income is. Mostly, I mean... Yeah, but also the 10-year that he's talking about. Yeah, but what I mean is if you're both working, you bring in an equal amount-ish of income and property, then there is no alimony to be paid out. You just divide the assets, right? But if you get one source that is 80%, 90%, 100% of the income, then you're more likely to wind up paying alimony because over the decade... the spouse has become dependent on the way that you live. So in Texas, there is such thing as alimony, depending on a couple of things. Yeah. I mean, everywhere there's. Yeah. But I'm just saying, David has said in the state of tech. No, it is right here. I didn't say, I said, I think there's not. Okay. It didn't apply to me. Let me put it that way. All right. All right. So anyway, getting alimony does not make your spouse your best friend. Okay. So when y'all were married, Somewhere in the middle when it was still good, right? Before y'all. Did you consider your wife your best friend? No. And tell us why. No, I guess whenever I view marriage and the relationship with a spouse as like a different layer or level of... Of a relationship, right? So friendship to me means it's a totally different category, and I wouldn't put– there's things that I would tell my best friend, and there's things that I would tell a significant other or spouse, right? What are those things? Well, I think there's intimate things that you would share with your spouse. Right. some vulnerabilities that you would share with your spouse that you wouldn't your best friend. Absolutely. Go in those aspects, right? Right. And then I also think with a spouse, I feel that you should be more beholden to like loyalty or things. You have obligations, whereas a friendship is just more of a want. So the spouse is more of a need when you're in that relationship, the things that you need to do for the most part versus with a friend. Almost everything across the board is you want to help them or you want to do those things. Shouldn't it be the same for when you get married? This is the person you want to do those things with most, which is why you get married in the first place. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. I mean, how do you get, I mean, well, I know how you can get obligated into marriage, shotgun weddings, things like that. But ultimately, they're not like, you're not obligated to get married. No, correct. But I think once you've entered into that realm, there's a layer there that becomes, it's almost like your kid, too. It's the opposite with a friend. A friend, you don't have to. You're not, yeah, but with your wife, it's like you're obligated to do it. You should want to do it, but you're obligated to do it. I think all of it you want to, because if you don't want to do that, you have the option of getting divorced, separating, whatever you want to do. You do, but when you add the layer of marriage, and now you have rule of law... You have the sanctity of marriage and the layer of– that just adds a layer that creates it or makes it an obligation versus– No, but what you're saying is that the rule of law is a layer that you must go through for something that you either want or no longer want, right? Correct. Which is not required by friendship, sure. But you have chosen to enter into that relationship, right? But if we put any legalities on friendships, does that mean that you would no longer have any friends? That's a weird way to think about it, I know. I think when you're obligated to do something, it makes it less fun sometimes. And it might be, right? But what I'm saying is that when it comes to marriage, if you're feeling a sense of obligation, I get a sense of duty sometimes. But maybe that's what he means. But your sense of duty, because you want to hold that duty, I think is different than when you are obligating yourself because obligation implies, I don't want to do it. I feel the need to do it. I don't think it implies that you don't want to. Yeah. It means you're obligated to do it, but everything in a marriage, you're not a responsibility. You have, you have a sense of duty that you willingly take on. Right. Well, I think we're semantics now, right? Well, but they matter. But what you're, you're saying that when you say obligated, That means you don't want to do it, but I don't see it. That means you're obligated to do it. Which means what? Which means that because you're married, these are the things you have to do as the man of the house, as the husband, as being the provider, as you have to do them. There's nothing. But you willingly take that on. Some, some do, but I'm just saying, saying obligated doesn't mean that I want to do it. It means I'm obligated to do it. And the, the big piece, because he asked me in the, in the middle of my marriage, right? To get to that point, there was different layers. So I had the desire. I had the want. We both then married, right? Years go on. And as those years go on, those obligations all take shape. Those take shape the moment that you get married because it's now legal, because you've went through this ceremony, that type of stuff. Whereas a friendship, you're not having to do any of that stuff. So... It's a different level. I wouldn't describe my wife, now ex-wife, as my best friend. I just wouldn't. Okay. I mean, and there's no wrong answer, right? Yeah. I'm asking you that just to get your perspective. What about you, Dylan? I think when I'm thinking about this part, right? So obligation... You're stuck in obligation. Obligation versus duty. Yes. I think that it is a part that does come into play because when we think about obligation being a little more formal, it is something that you may not want to but it is a formality or legal or morally binding, however you want to view that. But it is something that must be done, even if you don't want to do it, if you're going to remain part of what you want to remain part of. Whereas the duty is something that you encompass as a broader, we'll say philosophical element of something that you believe is part and parcel of what it is that you want. So being in marriage doesn't mean that you want to, I don't know, maybe you've You don't want to mow the lawn. Mow the lawn, take out the trash. Who wants to do that sort of stuff? Maybe some people do, but I think in large part, nobody wants to do these tasks, but you understand and you choose to take on that sense of duty because it's part of what's expected in that role. And if you have enough of those put together that I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that, I don't want to do that, and I'm not getting enough out of what I'm feeling from this other person, you exit the marriage. Because then it goes from the sense of duty to a sense of obligation without fulfillment. And you kind of do that with friends, too, right? You can do that with friends, yes, absolutely. But ultimately, and this is where I am now transitioning to that point, is we're talking about relationship dynamics. If we're in relationship dynamics, we enter a relationship under evolving—we'll just say that the premise of what we have is evolving— based on the dynamic that we share in the beginning and how we both decide over time, it's going to evolve. So friendships, brotherhoods, all of these things, they evolve in that way for us. So this is why I would say that whenever you are in a certain situation, you have certain friends, brothers, and people that you know that you can call and rely on in certain situations, but maybe not in others. You kind of put them in a loose category of how you can depend on them or not depend on them given a situation. So when we're talking about a spouse as a best friend and we are looking at the most vulnerable, if we are our most vulnerable, it's very difficult for men to share any vulnerability with another man. You have to have a tremendous amount of trust in that other individual in order to do that. And it's not just because it's another man. With your spouse, that's someone that hopefully you make that connection and that is your home base. The person that you share your wins, your losses, even the things where you have a great deal of ambivalence, but it's causing you some sort of emotional distress. My wife, for me, is my anchor. To your best friend. This is why I would say she is my best friend. Because... As long as we are good, as long as she and I are good, I feel like I can traverse whatever. I'm fine. I will go and keep doing all the things that I can do because she's my home base. She is my anchor. If our relationship gets rocky, everything is going to start shaking for me. I think you're describing something else other than friendship. Well, then maybe we should elaborate on what we mean by friendship. Because you're saying best friend, not just friend. Best friend, yeah. Yes. Give me a definition. So, like everything you said, yeah, I agree with. And I've told this to my wife. I was like, if you and I are good, then screw everything else, right? F them kids, you know? Because if we're not good, nothing's good. Like, I mean, I'm pretty sure both of y'all have been married and are married. When you're fighting, right, and you go out to dinner... That dinner is the most uncomfortable dinner ever, right? Because it's like there's something there. And the kids know it. The kids are like, oh, shit. Parents are fighting. Yeah, there's tension that's just there. And so it screws up everything. Oh, family dynamics. So to me, a best friend, right? And, okay, I'll ask you, both of you, do you have a best friend right now? Do you have somebody that's like, that's my best friend? I really don't make it singular. Yes. Right? I can't. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? I can't think of... Who's your best friend? If we're going to talk about my best friend overall, like I said, it's my wife. And if we're talking outside of her... No, you're supposed to say it like Jaime said it earlier. He's my best friend. My wife is my best friend. I gave it a shot. I don't know how to do that voice. But if we're talking about my best friend who... I'm not married to, his name is Scott, right? He lives in Rhode Island right now. Did y'all used to be married? No, but actually I met him when we lived in Ithaca and I met him through my wife. They were colleagues. So then you dated the friend and then you married the friend of the friend. Yeah, well, she didn't know him at the time. My wife, Victoria, and I, we started dating. you know, dating or whatever we were at SWT. Yeah. And then when, when she moved, she moved to Ithaca before I did. And then as a colleague, she met Scott and then, uh, he's, he's just, he's a, he's a great person. And we met because he was going through, well, I met him before he was going through his divorce, but that's actually how we became close. He was hanging out, you know, he's still hanging out with him. Yeah. He's, uh, he's going also to my graduation next week. Cool. And he was the one that I went to hang out with when I went to New Orleans recently. He's the one I went to go hang out with. So it's not you, David. I know. You're not his best friend. Well, okay. So here's the thing. When I think of best friends, right, I think of, so I put my wife in this other category that's not friendship, right? That's a wife. That's a deeper connection. That's all of that. Because there's certain things that you do with friends that you can't do with your wife. There's a comic, I forgot his name, but he has a joke, right? He says he got married and then they move into this house and his wife is out at the supermarket or the grocery store, right? And texts him, hey, I'm at the supermarket. Do you want anything? And he looks at it, he's like, fuck you, right? And then he's like, I got her. You know, it's funny, it's good. And then... you know, didn't hear from her and he comes back and she's come back crying and he's like, what's wrong? What happened? She goes, why did you text me that? She goes, I joke around with my friends. That's what we do. We joke around. She's like, that's mean. She was like, but it was just a joke. And he goes, that's what I do with my friends. She goes, I am not your friend. I am your wife. And he goes, so she made it really clear very clear that she's not my friend well see and i don't think that everybody's necessarily gonna is going to view this the same way right which is why we're talking about it now yeah but if you're saying that there are certain things that you would do would never do that you would either do with your wife that you can't do with others or that you would do with others that you can't do with your wife absolutely but i would also argue that there are certain friends where that remains consistent. So there's certain things that... What do you mean? Here's an example. What remains consistent? So we are labeled as brothers, right? Fraternity brothers. Correct. Okay. Friends. So if we consider this friends because we're not blood related, right? Anything like that. We're not legally bound. So we are friends. But there's certain things that I can do with you that I can't go and do with Scott or my other friend, Mark, right? That have no... knowledge of any of the things that we do, our interests are different, but then there's also things that I would do with Scott that I wouldn't do with any of you, right? I don't want to do those things. But even if it was my friend Mark that I've been friends with for 30 years, there's certain things that we do that I can't do with y'all. There's just a way that you delineate. These are all friendships. No, absolutely. We've talked about this before. There's circles within circles. There's people that are a lot closer and there's people that Okay. So a friend of mine called me, I don't know, like three weeks ago. And it's a guy that I hadn't seen in over 30 years. And we grew up together. We went to high school together. And he came over to the house, you know, and we just kind of started talking like we used to. And he's like, man, it wasn't like any time passed. And I hadn't seen this guy in 30 years. So I was like, man, that's a good friend, right? There's just certain things that I think. I think just friendships, male friendships are different. Well, yeah, there's no, there's no doubt, but male friendships are different. Even if you have other female friends, they're different. Yeah. Friendships are just different based on. So I don't know that it's necessarily that in this context, whether marriage is the proper delineation, because your friendship with multiple people can be different based on how you relate to one another. It's just that you happen to relate to your wife on a level that is more intimate and trusting than any other. So why not consider that of all friends because it is a relationship that you have voluntarily entered and voluntarily maintained. So if we think of friendship, and you can come up with whatever definition you want. There are different ones, but the one that I think about all the time is what brings this up. A person who is held in high regard as a friend, someone you trust, enjoy spending time with, and confide in. They are typically the first person you call when good things happen, when bad things happen, or even when you are feeling some sense of, we'll say uncertainty. Who do you call when those things happen? Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters. But I think, so what I was saying is, yes, but that's more than a, that's not friendship to me. That's more than. That's your wife, right? That's your, you know, if it's your dad. To me, like if, like that joke. If they're all friends, why designate a best friend? Because I think marriage is more deserving than the label friend. Yes. But then you label best friend. It's a label. Best friend. Otherwise, why not just say friends? Why do you need a best friend? You don't need a best friend. Then why not just stop using the term? But you have brought up the question. That's why I don't call my wife my best friend. Okay, but that implies, though, that there would be a best friend aside from your wife. So why do we even need the label best friend? Because there is a label best friend. Just because there is in the vernacular? I mean, there is. But do you have one? I mean, are we eliminating it? Maybe we should. That's the argument we're making right now. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, I mean, no. That's what I asked David. I was like, I can't think of someone that I could say is my best friend. Yeah. You know, when you were in the fifth grade or the fourth grade, you had, that's my best friend. You know, I could tell you the guys that you sang out with. You know, they were like really good friends, right? The end of that phrase is right now. Right now? I mean... That's my best friend right now. Yeah. You know, like I talk to my little brother all the time. I mean, but he's my brother. So he can't be your best friend? Can he? But what if he is? Maybe. You know what I'm saying? Like, I talk to David all the time. Is he my best friend? Actually, what's just funny is like the ITs at work is like, he's like, Mr. Hymer, is David your best friend? I started laughing. I was like, well, why would you say that? He goes, well, you mentioned him a lot, you know, because when y'all go... you know, do stuff. And I was like, nah. And then Lupin's right there. Right. And I was like, Lupin's David, my best friend. Cause that what now, if you can, if you consider brother, like a familial bond and let's just say that your brother is close enough where you might say that he is my best friend, but if you're eliminating the possibility of best friend, because you're married to someone now you're talking now, but now you hold on. You have entered into a relationship that is completely different. like you're willfully doing it. Now, when you're talking about bloodlines, you are blood related. So does that automatically eliminate a brother as a potential best friend? I think so. Or can your brother be your best friend? It could possibly, but I think because he's your brother, I think it's more, it's different. It's almost like in politics where if the politician goes from, you know, they're a representative, but then they become a Senator, you don't refer to them anymore as, That's because they have taken on a different job. Well, no, but even like Obama, they would still refer to him as Mr. President, right? A community activist? Yeah. I don't think you can do that. He's not president right now, right? Yeah, but you're talking about two different things. You would have to talk about a job where there's the potential for taking on more than one role at one time. No, well, what I was trying to equate it to is just that the highest, whatever sits at the highest position Part of the pedestal is what you refer to. So brother should sit higher than a friend. Yes. Yeah. Because if you should sit. No, no, no. If you have if you're standing at the top of a cliff and there's two people that you're holding on to, you got to let one go. Would you let your brother go? What if your brother is a terrible human being and your friend is not? What would your mom say? Is that what you think about? Because then what would your mom say about all of your friends? I'm just saying. I'm just saying. You would have to answer some questions. I don't know. Nobody would... would bat an eye if you had your friend and your brother and you had to let one go and you let your friend go and you save your brother and nobody would bat an eye. They'd be like, okay, well, shit, you had to do that. But if you let go of your brother and keep your friend, now you got to answer some questions. But if one of them was more deserving than the other one, I would answer the questions and I would be justified in my answer. But what I'm saying is, regardless of whether you're justified, wouldn't you be asked more questions if it wasn't your brother? I don't know. I think I would be asked the question as to why I was in a position. Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit. Why would I be in a position on a cliff holding two people? Because he's just trying to illustrate. He's trying to illustrate. You know why. You know why. It's just an example. You're just trying to avoid answering the question. No, I think I agree with you. You know that you would be asked more questions. I agree that you're saying that the social constructs of brother versus friend, that they sway towards the familial bond. Right. Right. But we all know that at some point, if we are going to talk about the potential loss of human life, that's a terrible position to be put in. But just because you are, you know, like blood related to somebody doesn't make that person, it makes it more obligated than a sense of duty. This is why that verbiage matters.

UNKNOWN: 30:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 30:19

Because you are more obligated to somebody that you are blood-related to, as opposed to a friend that you can have a sense of duty towards because they have earned that. That, for me, is what I would be obligated to. It's not that you have to necessarily appease me, but to some degree, yes. Isn't that how we all operate? You learn... from me what you can expect and not expect. I learned that from you. And then we learned that from each other. And then when you start to see that somebody is really understanding of the dynamics between you both in that relationship, you start to hold that in higher regard. And I think that those, that's just the nature of human dynamics is that we are going to hold people in higher regard when they show that they are trustworthy because, because even though none of us want to be vulnerable, If you are, who can you trust to help you in that position? And I think that those are the things that start to come up a little bit more. Yeah, but I think I agree more with David in the fact that I think a marriage or your wife is a little bit higher than any friend, any best friend. It's different. It's a totally separate and up here situation. But if your marriage starts to crumble, and then you turn to whomever the friend is. Well, call me whenever... That happens. I'm just saying, because if you do that, the dynamic changes. And if the dynamic can change... Yeah, but you can say that about anything. Exactly. You can say that about anything, though. That's what I'm saying about a best friend. I have a great job, but what if your job starts crumbling? But also for the person, that's my best friend for right now because dynamics can change. The dynamics can change, but that's where what I was saying earlier comes into play. There's more hoops you have to go through to detangle yourself from a marriage as opposed to a friendship. But that's not how I view that. I'm not worried about the legal entanglements. I'm worried about my relationship. But what if it starts crumbling? Then things are going to get bad. Yeah, well, and I agree. I totally agree with all of that. But that's where I'm saying there's added layers. I think saying that your wife is your best friend is kind of bringing that person down a peg. I think it's just separate. There's friends, right? And then your wife is over here. There's certain things you can't do with her. You just can't. Yeah, there's a reason whenever you say, hey, I'd like you to meet my wife. You don't say, I'd like you to meet my best friend. Well, I think DLH is going to start doing that shit just to prove a point. No, but even when you do this evening, watch. But even if your wife's not present, your best friend is, is that how you... Introduce them. Hey, this is my best friend. I've heard a lot of people do that. Yeah. And I've heard... The Jaime version of Best Friend 2. That's my best friend. That's my version of DLH. I think that's why. I've never done that. This is my best friend. I can't even hit that tone of voice. Do it again. This is my best friend. That's DLH. That's almost spot on. Just more of a whisper. Just more of a whisper. Because he's straight in his bow tie. This is my best friend. We don't like that beer. This is my best friend. So here's why, right? Like, okay, whenever I talk to either one of you clowns, but mostly David, you know, let's say, did you invite David to so-and-so like today? I was like, yeah, invite him. What do you say? I was like, I don't give a fuck. If he comes, he comes. If he doesn't, fuck him. And she knows I'm like, whatever. Or I could call David. The other day, I think a couple of years ago, I called him and he's like, oh, man, bro, I got a meeting. I was like, I will fuck you. And I hung up and just kept driving. You know, it's nothing. I can't say that to my wife. I can't be like, I fuck you. Yeah, but those are semantics. No, it's not. It's just dynamics. No, but what I'm saying is that your dynamic has gone along with a, I will say, a specific vernacular that both of you have developed that is... your level of humor and how you maintain the relationship yeah but that's it's semantics but we have a level of humor with your significant other too right which is different and then every friend is going to be a little bit i think with your wife there's there's certain things you can do and there's and then there's a there's a boundary you never cross you're like unless shit is going downhill right that's when all the shit everything's you know off the table right but If you want your relationship to last, if you want to maintain a very good relationship, you don't cross these barriers. Now, I will say, I mean, that's any relationship. Any relationship has barriers. Yes, but I think with your wife, I think there's some... I cross those barriers with David all the time. Yeah. But those are just the barriers you've set up with the friendship that you have. You, you set up barriers based on the relationship. You don't want to be an, I'm not saying you'd be an asshole with every, with every relationship. I'm just saying that there's, there's things that you're kinder, right? With your wife, you're, you, you kind of, you don't walk on eggshells, but you're, you're more respectful of it. Right. And I think with friends, sometimes you're less respectful. Well, but also... And that doesn't make the friendship any less, I don't think. Exactly. I'm not saying it makes it any less. But you can't do that. That's because men also goad each other. There's a lot of things that you do with male friends that if you had a female friend, you also would not do. Right. Because men goad each other differently, right? I think that there's just a... I think that there is a consistent... I will say parameters that have to be set on every friendship and they don't need to stay where they are. They evolve and devolve depending on how you grow together within that friendship. Right? So your friendship that's with a, you know, a woman, a female friend, even if you meet her and the, the immediate intent is to, we'll use an old school term to court her, right? You're dating, you're doing whatever, but, You have to gain some familiarity first, which is why dating even exists. We're not in the old school world where you can just go and talk to her father and say, I'm going to marry her, and then y'all make terms behind her back without her even knowing. This is where you now have to gain familiarity. her attention, her favor, and all of that stuff. Where are you going with this? Because you lost me. Well, now I'm just talking about this is the way that you gain all relationships and all friendships. Because if you meet someone, even a fraternity brother, but you indicate that you're not someone I can trust with knowledge, information, attending something that might be a little more intimate, then you're going to be left out there. You're not going to be a very good friend. The more that you show trust, Trust and intent and kindness and all those other things. Those are the things that you start to draw in closer to you, but they look different from one person to another. Us goading each other is part of how we relate to each other. And we also know, I think for the most part, if we are going to overstep a bound or even if we do overstep and didn't notice it in the moment, we would make amends for that. And these are just things that you learn over time. So what I'm saying is that ultimately your friendships, you're talking about barriers and them being different because they're male or female, but there are... No, I think they're different because that's your wife. I don't know that that's the only delineation. It's because they're different. No, because then that puts my wife just to every other female that's a friend. And it's not. It's not. It's your best female friend.

UNKNOWN: 38:44

No.

SPEAKER_00: 38:45

No. No, she's not a friend. She's my wife. Well, yes, that's what we label that when you go through the legal process of doing all this. I just don't understand why you look so negatively... I don't think that he's looking at it negatively. No, but by the... She's my best friend. That's not... I don't know. That's not a negative. That's kind of how I hear it. Yeah. I'm like, look at this freaking jackass. My better half. This is my best friend. Shut your ass up. Anybody want to hear all that? I mean, I don't introduce anyone that way. This is my best friend. This is just... Hey friend, this is my wife. You know, like whatever, whatever it is, this is my copy. If I asked your wife if you were her best friend, what would she say? I don't know. She'd be like, I hate them. I would be willing to bet that she would say the same. It's just that whenever it comes up for us or something like that, she usually says like, you're my person. And that's just her vernacular for us. Same thing that I'm saying. So I don't know. I know you don't listen to our podcast, DLH. Sometimes. But you were in the room when this was stated, when MT told the story with Val that they were doing the, you know, they were getting their Catholic merit badges, you know, and then they're sitting in front of the priest. And then he asked, he asked Val, like, Who's your best friend? Didn't she tell you you couldn't retell this story? It's already on air. And so she says, oh, you know, it's my friend so-and-so. You know, she's been going to your congregation this whole time. And he's like, your best friend is supposed to be MT. And then MT says, I guess it'd be disingenuous if I say that was my best friend. But then he said she is. I don't know what he said. That's what he said after. You didn't hear that after? No. I tuned out. But he said, but she is. No, he didn't say that. Yeah, he did. No, he said. He still said it. He just said it in that way. After a long pause, he said. Oh, my God. I laughed at that so hard. Yeah. Do it again right now while they're serving. No. We've retired DLH for the day. Come on. Anthropology we seek. I'm a damn doctor. Interesting. You sound like Thurston Howell III-ish. Come on, lovey. Oh, man. Anyway, as we move forward. Are we going to make a motion? Yeah. How are we going to get a board approved out of this? We can. We already agree. Yeah. Yeah, two to one. Yeah, two to one. So I'm outvoted. Yeah. Yeah. As the minority stakeholder. Yeah, board approved. Your wife isn't your best friend, right? You got my vote. Yeah. No. The elation abstaining? No, I dissent. So there you go. Board approved. Your wife ain't your best friend. Two to one. Two to one. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode and you'd like to help support the podcast, please share it with others. Post about it on your social media and or leave a rating and review. To catch all the latest from us, you can follow us on Instagram and X. So thanks again, and we'll see you next time.